This baby is ripping me apart from the inside out. Why is this happening to me? I thought I was strong, fit and healthy.

Week 16 has been a “character building” one thats for damn sure.

Lower back pain you can go suck it.

Tuesday morning I woke up with an excruciating pain on my left hand side of my lower back. I couldn’t bend over or even get my PJ bottoms off. What the f**k was happening.

My lifting had been going great, my mood was really good albeit a little stressed and my insatiable appetite was finally starting to even out. Over the next 3 days I had to manoeuvre around lifting plates and bar off the ground without anyone noticing my face as I grimaced in pain. It was bad man, it was real bad.

Tuesday to Thursday I trained upper body and went for a walk with the dog. I couldn’t even put my shoes on without sitting on the floor, yet alone squat.

RIP deadlifts. I will miss you.

I am a person of able body and place a lot of importance on being an independent female who has a functioning body. To not move freely is something I am not use to.

I have had minor injuries here and there but never to an extent where I couldn’t move. The worst I’ve had was a crushed finger as a result from a freak accident when training a client. She slipped on a machine and completely mangled my finger. I went to the emergency ward and had plastic surgery to repair my nubby finger followed by months of weekly hospital visits to bring it back to its full glory. That nubby finger now houses my beautiful wedding rings (with a slight lean on it).

Do you think I trained through this?! Damn straight I did- I had a protective cast around the injury- I couldn’t hold anything so I trained legs for around 8 weeks…. my legs did look hella good after that!

Friday morning came and it really wasn’t getting any better. I went into my Physio to find that my pelvis had already started to move resulting in a trapped nerve which was giving me this searing pain. He did some treatment and said I should be fine to train tomorrow. Sunday morning came, hadn’t squatted or deadlifted in 4 days and was super pumped to get under the bar. I had expected that these things would occur as I got further along, but at 16 weeks, already?!

Loaded up my usual 60kg warm up to pull off the ground….60kg felt like 120kg. What the actual shit is going on. PAIN!!!!

Worked up to 40kg on my squats- that was my max today!! Completely baffled and honestly holding back tears I had to pull myself together.

Why is this happening to me?

This week I was put on some daily medication for something to do with my thyroid- my lower back is not coping and my heart burn is just a whole other issue. Common pregnancy woes you hear all the time- but very much foreign to me. I honestly didn’t expect this to happen to me.

The expectation I had was being shattered. Having successfully trained many females through pregnancy I guess I had this expectation that I would have no issues. I came into this pregnancy having trained for many years.

I was strong, healthy and what I thought in a very good state to grow a child. Apparently not! I know I am not a whinge, I really am a hard arse with my training. It means a lot to me so I will always get it done. Tired- nope you sleep later. Busy- too bad, train faster. Not motivated- Pft, thats a state of mind. Success is created by habits, habits that are completed day in and day out until they are hardwired into your life. I wanted the Australian Deadlift record this year- I was going to get it. My mentality had been created for success. My expectations were created and I was realising very quickly that maybe I can’t plan for everything. Shit.

So how was it that a girl that lifts, who has a strong body and a strong determined mind was being shafted for a twisted f**kn pelvis.

I was of able body, why was this body letting me down.

Its pretty fair to say that I dealt with a lot of mental demons this weekend.

It wasn’t until my Coach said the following words that it really sunk in:

“I think it’s important to keep in mind that this is a temporary phase. You’ll be back to full strength in less than twelve months from now so just enjoy the process you’re in”

Here’s to my squat, bench and deadlift rebuild! In the mean time, here’s to Baby H teaching me so many life lessons already, touche little one touche.

As I start Week 17, I take a breathe and tell myself that its ok not to be working at full steam.

The expectations I placed on myself need to be quickly forgotten. I need to acknowledge that every lady is different and that every pregnancy is different.

And mine happens to be one that I am really not enjoying and thats ok to.

My thanks go out to my girl gang this week. My Barbell Babes are my rocks and I don’t know how I would get through the week if I didn’t have their smiles and personalities to keep my grounded.

Its 36 degrees here in Melbourne, disgustingly hot outside and I’m off to get a hot chocolate because that seems fitting on a scorching day. LMAO pregnancy is weird.

An emotionally fragile pregnant Ro x