Often when I talk to girls about what they are currently struggling with in the gym, at home, at work and in life in general, they often say things like “I can’t” or “I don’t know how to…”
On the surface it just sounds like this person doesn’t know how to achieve their ‘goals’. Knowing what actions need to be carried out is the easy part. Its the point of getting started which is so much harder.
So why is it so common for so many people to know what needs to be done but quite often don't follow through?
If we dig a little deeper, the common association is “I’m not good enough”. I’m not good enough to be able to do that, or I’m not good enough to deserve that, or I’m not good enough so I just won’t bother.
It’s a feeling that leaves you unaccomplished and at a complete standstill. I know this because I’ve felt like this too.
My biggest insecurities have been thinking that I’m not worthy enough for a particular grade, or for love and affection from a significant other, or that because someone seems to do something better than me that I’m not good enough for that either.
Wrong. I know this now, but accepting that was the hardest part. No one likes to feel vulnerable, but it’s when we put ourselves in this position that we can start to grow.
VCE was my lowest point. I had driven myself to what felt like eternal sickness. A depressed and very anxious girl, who was never satisfied with any of her work. I had set my goals and knew what it was going to take to get there, or so I thought. Instead what I was actually doing was driving myself into destruction.
My goal was turning me into something I didn’t like, all because I was approaching it in a destructive way, and with that came destructive thoughts.
I specifically remember getting back a chemistry test and crying uncontrollably because I had gotten 80% on it. Ridiculous I know. But at the time I didn’t meet MY expectation and a cycle began.
Thinking I had failed my planed actions, feeling unworthy of any successes and ultimately feeling sorry for myself and destructively sabotaging my health mentally and physically.
Looking back on this time I realize how little self worth I had and it’s apparent that feeling this way is what encouraged me to feel like I wasn’t good enough for anything. Someone can tell you your worthy, give you the steps to reach your goals but they can’t make you FEEL like you are enough. You have to feel that on your own.
The best advice I could ever give would be to ask for help. Dig deeper into the root of the issue by seeking help from an experienced professional. I did this through many ways. Seeing my doctor, a counselor even a hypnotherapist (an assisted way of meditating).
These people didn’t provide miracles. In fact they all provided the same information, different skills and the right direction to a healthier and “good enough” me. It was a time of self growth and now I have these skills for all those moments of doubt which may spring up on surprise occasionally.
You are enough.
There is no shame in reaching out.
Coach Naomi x